What happens when cricketers meet b
Sardar jokes-Santa in heaven
Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.2. How many seconds are there in a year?Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”Santa replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”Saint Peter lets him in without another word”
Sardar jokes-Santa and Banta
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?Banta says, “Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.”The boss says, “Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you’re no miner!”On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?Santa says, “Oh sure.”The boss asks how deep underground he worked.Santa says, “I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. “The boss says, “20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, “What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? “Santa says, “Oh, I didn’t need a light, I worked on the day shift!”
Sardar jokes-Who dunnit
The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defending. I’m the person who done it.
Sardar jokes
Santa: My wife is still scared of waterBanta: how come?Santa: yesterday when i went home, she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!———-Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it’s 1.5 ltr.———–Nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.Santa: don’t tell my wife, i want to surprise her!
Sardar jokes-The archery contest
Once upon a time there was an archery contest.The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY
Santa banta sardar jokes
Santa: Wow Banta, Where did you get the cycle, from? Banta: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this cycle and asked me -”want a ride Mr. Singh?” I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me “Mr. Singh. take anything” Santa is quite excited and asks “What did you do Santa?” Banta: I took the cycle. Santa: good show - you wouldn?t have fit into her clothes!
Short sardar jokes - santa banta
Enjoy 5 short sardar jokes !? Q: How do you recognize a Santa’s son in School?A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.? Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?Banta: Me too, after you leave.? Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one.”Wife: I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.? Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.Santa: I think I’ll take the money.? The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the person who done it.
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn?t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”"Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
Sardar jokes-Suger level
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he wouldlose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.”What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.I’m 2400 kms from home.
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out-standing in their field.”
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Life’s 50 little Instructions
(even if repeated nothing wrong in reading again)
1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the caller’s.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the one’s you
did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need to stay only a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million- dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone’s hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Don’t expect life to be fair.
Being close to parents doesn’t mean..a person is immature. Am sure you all will feel touched reading this.
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their
window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this? "The Son replied "It is a crow". After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It’s a crow". After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, "What is this?" At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son’s tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It’s a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son the 4th time, "What is this?" This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times ‘IT IS A CROW’. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On Opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page.
When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :- "Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a
crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, And I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time he asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated. I rather felt affection for my innocent child". While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So….
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents. From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me
ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me. They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat To make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "Oh God! Have pity on my Parents & they took pity on me when I was young"
"I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave."
Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling’s typing.
Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ?
Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare
kabze mein hai …….
Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara
to Pain se mar jayega.
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do. Timer ko
teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez
hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko
panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly
fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to ‘no-smoking’ area
hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb ‘tic tic tic tic’ karke bajega. Aur iska
dil ‘tup tup tup’ karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge
to tumko ‘tic tup tic tup tic tup’ suanaai dega"
Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit
bhi jayega
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies…
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do…phir woh do
ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter…
Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare
door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee…on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof…off..on..off..on…
Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene
nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein
ticket dete-dete thak jayega.
Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do…BIT by BIT marega !
Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado…sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish
bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko
Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole
and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !
Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out
lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale
jayega !!
——
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet: Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala hain…..
A pause…..
Tum chootti le lo.
Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss"…..
Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter….
Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.
Scene: Raabert had triplet and comes to the "Boss"…..
Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
Ajeet: Ek Naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kiu boss???!!!
Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi…is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har
teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert: Stool, boss ?
Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
Scene: Ajeet get’s hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he….
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar…Raabert spots a peacock…
Raabert: Boss….more.. more…
Ajeet picks up the peacock, shoots it and says…
Ajeet : Nomore !
—————————-
Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar mar daalo… pulees samjhegi sui-cide
hua hai.
Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa…
Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.
Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho jaegi.
Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
Robert: kyu boss ?
Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena
Mickey Mouse: Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert: yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet: Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap samazh me ayegee!
Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet: Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.
Raabert: kyon baas?
Ajeet: Fill it,shut it,forget it!
Boss: Raabert!
Rab: Yes, bass?
Boss: Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab: Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss: Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.
Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling’s typing.
Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert: Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
—————
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies…
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do…phir woh do
ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter…
Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare
door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee…on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof…off..on..off..on…
Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene
nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein
ticket dete-dete thak jayega.
Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do…BIT by BIT marega !
Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado…sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish
bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko
Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole
and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !
Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out
lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale
jayega !!
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet: Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala hain…..
A pause…..
Tum chootti le lo.
Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss"…..
Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter….
Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.
Scene: Raabert had triplet and comes to the "Boss"…..
Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
Ajeet: Ek Naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kiu boss???!!!
Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi…is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har
teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert: Stool, boss ?
Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
Scene: Ajeet get’s hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he….
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar…Raabert spots a peacock…
Raabert: Boss….more.. more…
Ajeet picks up the peacock, shoots it and says…
Ajeet : Nomore !
Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar mar daalo… pulees samjhegi sui-cide
hua hai.
Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa…
Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.
Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho jaegi.
Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
Robert: kyu boss ?
Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena.
————————
Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare
kabze mein hai …….
Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara
to Pain se mar jayega.
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do. Timer ko
teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez
hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko
panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly
fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to ‘no-smoking’ area
hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb ‘tic tic tic tic’ karke bajega. Aur iska
dil ‘tup tup tup’ karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge
to tumko ‘tic tup tic tup tic tup’ suanaai dega"
Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit
bhi jayega
——————
Bihar Driving License
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __
10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______
(** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression .)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
—————-
A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.
He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here’s his dynamite speech :
Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.
Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it.
Today we all have our birth-rate.You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind.
Be like great like X’ raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.
They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease.
Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college.
The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools.
Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine.
If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.
I am now ending this fastly.
My God blast you!
Thank you and thank God!
———–
A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went there during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new stadiums, newly constructed roads, flyovers etc etc.
The poor fellow hadn’t seen all this ever before.
So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he like Delhi, he was too excited and said :
"Yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn’t figure out what is a flyover)."
——–
" Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge"
so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin dekhte hain."
———
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:
Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one
Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said
"Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".
——
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets
When the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.
This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,
so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,
so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
——
Paanchvi Paas is in and so is all the school textbooks - SRK, for a change isn’t trying to look like KBC’s Big B 
What’s not so cool about the show is the quality of questions- they are DEFINITELY not from class 5 textbooks.
Eat this - Which part of the seed in a plant becomes the root. (options were Radicle, Lamina, Petiole)?
The kids are obviously “made to remember” these answers (otherwise how the hell is it that kids get all the right answers? You mean they have got all the intelligent kids?)
Well..the show clashes with IPL - which is SRK’s another big investment.
If paanchvi paas doesn’t make it big, SRK will be left with lot of heartburn (remember his KBC days? which went down the TRP just like actor Harish’s career graph?)
What do you think of paanchi paas? Good Timepass?